Congratulations GV universe. Just when I thought I was getting the hang of this whole predicting results thing, Week 10 comes along and gives me the proverbial pointed wingtip to the rectum. After getting zero results correct last week, you might think that some time away to reflect on the choices I have made would be the sound of mind thing to do. Quite simply, that’s loser talk. Like a Hollywood celebrity talking about politics, you will listen to my opinion on the upcoming Week 11 in GV’s Division 1, no matter how, baffling or offensive it becomes!

Saturday, July 11 – Henry Turner Reserve, Footscray

Western Crusaders (4th Place, 4-4) vs Melbourne University Royals (Last Place, 1-8)

Last Time:           Crusaders 38, Royals 8

Before their bye last week, the Crusaders had ended a mixed 4 game stretch with a 22-0 shutout over the Berwick Miners. The Melbourne Uni boys finally broke through for their maiden 2015 victory with an Independence Day shutout win of their own over the South Eastern Predators. While the Crusaders dominated this contest last time out, both teams have changed dramatically in the interim. When on, the Crusaders have the potential to be the best team in the league, but there is a big gap between their best and their worst. The Royals have shown steady improvement from Week 2 onwards, and with the winless monkey finally off their back, will be more confident than ever of causing another upset. Despite this, I’m bravely tipping against them, again.

Stafford’s “Winless Monkey” Prediction:                            Crusaders 22, Royals 12

South Eastern Predators (5th Place, 4-5) vs Croydon Rangers (2nd Place, 6-3)

Last Time:           Rangers 37, Predators 27

Word on the street is that this game at 1:30pm will be met with a good old-fashioned hailstorm (much to the chagrin of small-handed quarterbacks everywhere). No, not Alestorm, hailstorm. I’m as big a fan of Pirate Metal as the next guy but it just has nothing to do with football. Unless you play for Tampa Bay (or Geelong). SEGUE ALERT: Did you know that the design and movement of the Predator’s shoulder cannon in the classic Schwarzenegger film “Predator” was based on how a parrot interacts with a pirate when sitting on its shoulder? By my line of reasoning, this would make the South Eastern Predators and Geelong Buccaneers evolutionary cousins in the Alien/Predator/Prometheus universe. Ponder on that while I once again refuse to predict the result of my own game.

Stafford’s “Evolutionary Cousins” Prediction:                    Predators ??, Rangers ??

Saturday, July 11 – Syd Pargeter Reserve, Endeavour Hills

Berwick Miners (6th place, 3-5) vs Monash Warriors (1st place, 7-1)

Last Time:           Warriors 64, Miners 8

The Warriors thrashed the second placed Rangers 42-16 last week, solidifying their status as the best team in GV. The Miners caused a huge upset in Week 10, grabbing their third win of the season with a 21-13 victory over the Buccaneers. Despite being at home and coming off a confidence boosting win, I can’t see the Miners causing the Warriors too many headaches on either side of the ball. Monash at the moment boast winners at every position, in particular QB Dom Dearman, running a playaction passing game that is incredibly difficult to slow down, let alone stop. The Miners do have a chance if they can generate some pass rush with their underrated front 7, but it won’t be enough. The Warriors have developed a habit of jumping their opposition early, and I expect the same again in this one.

Stafford’s “Insert joke here” Prediction:                              Warriors 42, Miners 12

Here’s to hoping that this week’s predictions aren’t as woefully inaccurate as last weeks were. Or not. If you get a kick out of me being wrong every week, that’s totally fine as well and good luck to you. I need to be taken down a few pegs anyway.

Peace Out!

Prepare for a Hailstorm: Week 11 in GV’s Division 1

Jamie Stafford

Tina Fey-loving current starting QB (at least until Richie gives me the hook) of the Croydon Rangers in Gridiron Victoria, as well as the Head Coach of the Croydon Rangers women's team. I once got my hair washed by a total stranger in a Subiaco salon at 5am while playing for the 2004 Victorian team. That was a good day.

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