I am Daniel Noonan, and each week I will be ranking the GV teams from top to bottom, not necessarily in the order, they appear on the ladder, but where I feel they sit in the scheme of things for genuine championship contention.
Last week my Game of Thrones themed Power Rankings was a hit with everyone(or the 10 people who read it) so like a true artist, I’m going to pivot and do something completely unrelated and get back to my roots, being mean to everyone.
1. Western Crusaders (2-0, +57 in Net Points) Up 1 spot
You can take the man out of the Warriors, but you can’t take the Warrior out of the man. The classic coaching moves to use 3 timeouts to drive home 2 TD’s in garbage time by Coach Wilson. I usually care not for these kinds of things but when you hear a guy berate the officials for 3 quarters about sportsmanship and duty of care it reeks of double standard.
The Cru is clearly the most talented team in GV in 2017, but they were clearly the most talented team in 2016 too. Will the finally get over the line in 2017 for that elusive Vic Bowl or will they be like that other team who really like to play in them and go undefeated in regular seasons but not win when it matters? Only time will tell.
2. Monash Warriors (1-1, +24 in Net Points) Down 1 spot
A tough loss to arch nemeses the Croydon Rangers on the weekend losing on a blocked punt returned for a touchdown. The Warriors are good for one of these loses every year that makes you question whether the dynasty has finished. But then they will come out and whip a team, unlucky for the Predators they are going to be that team.
3. Croydon Rangers (1-1, -18 in Net Points)
www.europlayers.com has served the Rangers well with every offensive touchdown coming from their import Importy McImportface. I would bother to learn his name but with so many Americans in the league now I feel it’s easier to learn the names of the few Australian players left. Rumour has it they have Importy McImportface #2 arriving this week which should keep the Rangers firmly in contention.
4. Melbourne Uni Royals (1-1, -8 in Net Points)
The Royals are #4 in the Power Ranking but #1 in the uniform ranking, www.geelongsports.com for all your uniform needs by the way. The Royals face a massive test this week against the Western Crusaders, being one of the few sides who can physically match up to the Cru I expect a great match up.
5. Geelong Buccaneers (1-1, -2928373783 in Net Points)
The Calls for the return of Noonan at QB were heard all around Crusader park, but I was doing such a great job at Left Tackle that coach Bowe had no choice but to leave me there (this story may not actually be true). If anyone out there reading this wants to play Offensive Line come down to the Geelong Buccaneers I guarantee you a starting spot. The Buccs are clearly rebuilding and it is going to be long, long, long year.
6. South Eastern Predators (0-2, -28 in Net Points)
I have nothing funny left to say. That is assuming you found some of the previous parts funny. I will use my final available paragraph to say that GV needs to get rid of Sunday Games. Sitting here at work on a Monday after playing a Sunday game is worse than the Predators record will be this year…. look at that, I had one joke left in me.